A couple I went to high school got married a few years back. She is in marketing, and he is an automotive engineer. This weekend marks their five-year anniversary, and she did a write-up on eleven things about being married to an engineer, and it's spot on.
As many of you know, Doug and I have been married for five years now.
I believe, that a good part of a good relationship is understanding what your other half does in their daily life. As a marketing analyst, I thought it would be a good idea on looking at Doug’s job and realizing expectations what should come from being married to an automotive engineer.
In creating this list, and speaking with some of my friends about it, I never realized how different the away-from-the-office life of an engineer is compared to most other people.
1)He is analytical. Extremely analytical. Asking where to go for dinner, or where to get carryout delivered from is not a three-minute conversation. He will investigate everything within a 10-mile radius, what type of food they offer, and the pricing. He will also investigate average drive time and three alternate routes if traffic even remotely exists. However, you will not eat bad food. Engineers have a tendency to appreciate good food.
2)His math skills are scary. Computer scary. And you won’t understand them. This comes from the endless nights of studying for math class after math class. While most of us ended our collegiate math career at statistics, he had to go all the way to Trig III (or what I’ve later come to find out is called DiffEQ – NEVER call it by its full name. It’s the Voldemort of math classes.). But, he will manage to figure out a tip in mere seconds. Long math in his head? Done. Like I said, creepy.
3)There is no such thing as a 40 hour work week. At all. A “slow” week may consist of 50 hours put in between Monday and Friday. But a busy week? Forget about it. The day starts at 4:00 A.M. with a call to Europe. Then, after 10-12 hours in the office, it finally ends after a 9:00 P.M. call with Australia or China. That is only if there isn’t a 3:00 A.M. meeting or “We need you at (insert some city you’ve never heard of here) first thin in the morning” phone call.
4)Let him sleep, for the love of God. (Extended from the point above.)Remember finals week in college when you’d stay up studying until 4:00 A.M. for an exam at 9:00 A.M.? That is the life of an engineer every day. Nevermind the fact that while we were graduating after four years of college, they had to go an extra year since mechanical engineering is an extended degree program, this is what they still go through. Sleep for an engineer is a precious commodity. Even lounging around at home is acceptable.
5)You will very rarely hear what they do at work, and if you do, you won’t understand it. I’ve practically given up trying to understand what Doug does. The technical aspect alone is beyond my comprehension. And then there is the lingo of weird words and acronyms upon acronyms. But, that is merely part of the reality. Due to the secret nature of what they do, it’s very rare they’re willing to divulge any information. At least unless you sign a non-disclosure agreement.
6)He doesn’t fully understand a vacation. Seriously. While he will figure out the best place to go, the best stuff to do, and the best “bang for the buck”, he will undoubtedly get a phone call from work, and he will answer it without thinking twice.
7)They want to talk. The “Big Bang Theory” stereotype of engineers being quiet is total bullshit. Though be careful, as the typical engineer’s day-to-day communication style is extremely different from most people. You have to let them talk, or they will become frustrated because you have violated the logically correct procedure of communication, and forget about them picking up on 90% of body language. If you cut them off, they will go silent, and NEVER forget what he was going to say, what you said when you cut them off, and then stew on it. On the flip-side, you must explain venting to him. He will try and provide solutions to any issue you have, no matter how minute.
8)There will always be one messy room. Engineers typically have an affinity for logically setting up a room. I have given up on doing any sort of modifications without consulting, since I know my changes will be undone. Most rooms will be impeccable. But, there is always one room which looks like a tornado came through. For all that is holy, do not clean this room. Despite a slight OCD he may have regarding the other rooms, that same OCD applies here. He knows where everything is (for the most part), and God help you if you move anything.
9) You will learn the metric system. Outside of measuring snowfall and the displacement of an old Chevy, most measurements in his head are in metric. There is no alternative.
10)Your mind isn’t playing tricks on you. The (insert name of appliance here) was broken. This is partly just a man thing. Any man has the itch to repair anything that has broken. An engineer will take anything that has broken, fixed it, upgraded something, put it back together and go on his day. For two weeks, I swore to myself the blender was making noises when it magically stopped. (P.S. Engineering is magic in reality)
11)His loyalty to you is borderline creepy. Due to his analytical mind, you would have known if you weren’t right for him, or if he wasn’t right for you (yes, he will be brutally honest).
As we come to the end of 2015, it's a time of reflection and appreciation of what has happened in the past year. This year, like every year, has been wrought with lessons learned, and it's important to reflect on these lessons. In that being said, I realized that September 18, 2016 will mark ten years in the auto industry as a supplier. In this time, I've gone from being the youngest person in the building by a good ten years, a know-nothing, nervous intern, to confidently working for one of the world's largest automotive suppliers, with one of the world's largest automakers as my prime customer. In the past nine years, three months, and five days (but who's counting?), I've learned an incredible amount that was never taught at any college or university. Since there seems to finally be an influx of new workers my own age, as well as people returning to the industry after the 2008/2009 economic collapse, I thought it would be a good idea to share what I've learned.
1) DO. NOT. BURN. BRIDGES.
There's a reason this is number one, in caps, and each word is separated. As the Disneyland ride has sung since 1966, "it's a small world after all". And in the auto industry, it almost comes to a disturbing level. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, There are nearly one-million people who work in the auto industry, not counting dealers or part stores. The chances of someone in the industry knowing the friend of someone else working in the industry? Pretty high. With the shakeup of automakers changing (See Fiat-Chrysler), suppliers opening and closing, and the mass layoff and eventual rehire after 2008/2009, the chances of someone working at one company and going another (often a competitor) are extremely high, and paths cross all the time.
In my experience, I have seen this help and hurt people. When I was laid off in 2009, I had seen some people take it very badly. In short, they're no longer working in the industry. A sort of black-listing. But when these people apply to positions where they know someone in that company/group, their actions can come back to bite them.
As Sun Tzu said: Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.
2) You don't know everything
When you come in on your first day, you sit down at your desk, get your first assignment, and realize you don't know what the hell to do. Talk to your co-workers, talk to your customer, and talk to the lady at the coffee shop. Most of the stuff you learned in college or at a previous employer will be challenged and different from what needs to be done. Always have an open mind and be prepared to change your way of thinking, but don't change your ethics.
3) Take training opportunities
Often, your employer or your customer will provide a training for something. Anything from GD&T to the corporate data management tool. Not only will these trainings broaden your knowledge base, but often times will create an open discussion on why certain items are used and how they can appropriately be applied in the real world. Having this knowledge will not only make you a bigger asset to your company, but will also expand your experience in the event you're looking for a new job.
4) There is no such thing as 9-to-5
The first thing you'll notice when you walk into the office of an automotive company is that everyone looks a bit on the tired side. The reason? The automotive industry is a global industry. Depending on the project and the customer you work with, you may end up working with England at 6:00 am, then going on to work with China at 7:00 pm. It's not that your boss is trying to make you crazy from lack of sleep, it's just the nature of the industry. We're no longer making '57 Chevys, which were developed in Detroit and built in the United States. We're now building Ford Escapes, which were partially designed in the US, UK, and Germany and built in the US, Germany, Spain and China. Learning to adapt is surprisingly not difficult, especially if you're fresh out of college.
5) Keep your emotions in check
Especially approaching a major milestone, emotions can come back to bite you in the ass. Hard. Remember the pressure just before a final exam? Take that and multiply it by five. Emotions can run high, but do everything you can to keep cool. Keeping calm during a high pressure situation can prevent you from looking like an asshole in front of your colleagues and your customer. As I previously said, the auto industry is a small world, and if you come off as the guy who is difficult to work with, that word will travel extremely fast.
6) You WILL get thrown under the bus
It's nothing personal, it's just the nature of the industry. Whether it's in a meeting or on an e-mail chain, always be prepared to confidently assert yourself without coming off as brash. Don't take it personally. Realize that whoever is doing the throwing, is (usually) trying to do the best for their company and/or customers.
7) There is always someone who doesn't understand
Especially if you're in a position where you produce specialize parts, there will always be someone who doesn't understand the reason something is done. It's not their fault. If you were a specialist for developing engine blocks, you wouldn't necessarily know the specifics for developing a fuel tank. When it comes to someone not understanding why you did or didn't do something, don't look at them like a moron. Explain it to them in a professional manner, not in the way that you'd explain what you do to a five-year-old. While the amount of seemingly stupid questions can become excessive, these people are typically looking for any reason why your logic may be flawed (going back to #4), but if you can calmly and professionally explain yourself, not only will these questions be answered, but you'll be respected more.
8) Don't be an asshole, unless you absolutely have to be
99% of the time, whoever you're working with, whether in your company or with a customer, has an appreciation for what you're doing and understands you're helping for the bottom line of both your company and theirs. Even in stressful times, while it may seem like they're trying to betray you, they're pushing to provide the end-customer with the best product that can be delivered. Keep your cool, and things will be much, much easier. However, there is that 1% that is flat out difficult to work with. Under all circumstances, be as professional as possible. However, don't be afraid to be stubborn. Assert yourself, but refrain from calling the person "a fucking asshole". The customer may not always be right, but when they're wrong, explain it to them, don't just call them out on it.
9) A disturbing understanding of a secret
I'm not talking about what Shane did at spring break in Cancun. I'm talking about a secret which holds your jobs in it's hand. Automakers start projects YEARS before it's even announced to the public. Your knowledge of what an automaker is coming up with is one of those epic secrets that can't be shared outside of work (and sometimes inside, depending on the project). It doesn't matter what happens, realize that sharing that secret can result in losing your job and can end up in a PR nightmare for the customer. Yes, friends and family will get upset in you not divulging this information, but this is the one case where being as vague as possible comes out in your advantage.
"Why yes, Honda is coming out with a new car! It's going to have doors, and wheels, and a motor!"
That's the amount of information you want to divulge, until details are officially released. And even then, there is going to be a significant amount of information you cannot share.
10) Learn to understand politics
This probably combines #6 and #8, but should be made a point anyways. There's always a reason why you can or cannot do something. Or why you MUST follow a particular standard. Most of the time when you think about it, these make sense. But there are instances where the politics of how/why something is done, and the only explanation you can get is "oh, it's always been done that way." Before going in with guns blazing, sit down and examine why this is done, and don't be afraid to challenge this if necessary.
11) You will fail. A lot.
Especially in this time of "Everyone's A Winner!", it may feel like a punch to the gut when someone shoots your idea down. Especially if you've a considerable amount of time into it. But guess what. The world isn't crashing down, there are no human sacrifices, and there is no giant Twinkie growing under the city. As the old adage goes: If at first you don't succeed; try, try again. Take a lesson learned on why you failed, and always apply it to the future. If you don't fail, you won't learn from it to make your parts and career experience better.
12) An appreciation for your work
If you ever wondered what an artist feels like when others view their work, well, you probably won't feel it. Most of the time, the end-customer won't care about what you created until there's a problem with it, then they'll be swearing six ways from Sunday. But when you see a car going down the road, knowing that your parts are on that car gives you a bit of self-satisfaction. It's okay to feel smug with this.
The game is over, and the Patriots won. Though, the game itself was pretty equally matched and rather predictable in some points, this game brought some very unique advertising with a myriad of new advertisers to the Super Bowl scene and the return of others for the first time in years.
So, without further ado, here's my take on the top six, bottom six and eight honourable mentions.
In the words of David Letterman: Here we go!
Best Six
1) Doritos - Middle Seat
Anyone who has travelled coach in an airplane in the past two decades know that the seats have shrunk down to where a bar stool is bigger at this point. And there's nothing worse than getting stuck next to a fat guy, smelly lady, or religious whack-job (like me on every flight from Dallas). But when you have the opportunity to get your choice of seat partner, what you pick typically isn't what you expect.
2) Budweiser - Lost Dog
Naturally, there has to be a puppy/Clydesdale/Budweiser commercial on the top list. This was a beautifully done commercial with an amazing background soundtrack to it. And this just furthers the point that wolves are assholes.
3) Snickers - Very Brady
Seeing Danny Trejo as Marcia is interesting and entertaining. Especially when recreating one of the most memorable scenes in (not Tom) Brady history. Though the most poignant moment was Jan at the end. That's absolutely perfect casting in a commercial if I ever seen one.
4) Dodge - Wisdom
This is a great commercial. Advise from seniors, especially those over 80, is typically brash and true. It seems to me, whoever worked on this commercial to interview the seniors asked them to not censor themselves and give a true answer. Mission completed.
5) Supercell - Angry Neeson
Those commercials for the stupid Clash of Clans game have been on the air for what seems like too long. That's what I thought this was until Liam Neeson popped up in the middle of the game with an amazing Taken reference. Brilliant. Getting the cliche barista who mispronounces your name? Even better.
6) Avocados from Mexico - The First Draft Ever
This commercial came out of nowhere for something nobody knew needed a commercial. Though that polar bear was way too eager to go anywhere other than Northern Canada.
Worst Six
1) Jublia - Tackle It
Sorry, this is the Super Bowl. I'm trying to eat horribly unhealthy meat based sandwiches and seven-layer-dip. I don't want to hear about disgusting toenail fungus. At least this one didn't have Digger the Dermatophyte lifting the toe nail up.
2) Budweiser - Brewed the Hard Way
Apparently Budweiser is realizing they're losing ground to beer that actually has flavour. Instead of saying this is beer for people who like to drink beer, be honest Budweiser and just say it's beer for people who want to get shit-faced without spending a lot of money, but have enough care for themselves not to buy Hamm's Light.
3) Nationwide - Boy
Now, I'm not going to say this was a BAD commercial. It was just poorly executed. What started out with something which had aspirations to be something uplifting from what we'd expect from Doritos or Volkswagen turn out severely depressing. What makes it worse is it's for an insurance company. Might as well make it for a funeral company and say "Your kid could die, why not look into a casket now?"
4) Sprint - Apology
Just when I thought competition between the automakers was getting more and more fierce in attacking each other in commercials, Sprint comes out with this. Even as a Sprint subscriber, I found this to be in severely poor taste.
5) T-Mobile - One Upped
The point of this commercial is clear. Chelsea Handler, great choice. Sarah Silverman? Just stab me now. Sarah Silverman should not be in any commercials. Or TV shows. Or movies.
6) Squarespace - Om
This is a perfect example of poor marketing. Does anyone know what the hell commercial is about? Though, it's good to see The Dude is still working.
Honourable Mentions
1) Nissan - With Dad
This is a very great commercial. Nissan sneaked in the design for the new Maxima in a "wait, what?" moment. Finally, a grown up Nissan design. But, there were three things that took it off the top 6 list. First, using the song "Cats in the Cradle" by Harry Chapin. Aside from the fact that song drives me crazy, Chapin was killed in 1981 in a vehicle accident. Second, the ear-piercing tone used 0:32 in the commercial. I literally had to cover my ears, cringing in pain. Third, it's yet another "love your dad" commercial. Typically I don't have a problem with this but there were SO MANY this year.
2) Jeep - Beautiful Lands
Yet another car commercial with much potential. However, this one missed the mark. Instead of making me want to buy a Jeep, it makes me want to contact a travel agent.
3) Mercedes-Benz - Fable
A well, well known story every kid knows, with a great twist. Amazing animation provides the unique opportunity for Mercedes-Benz to show off their new AMG-GT.
4) Nationwide - Invisible
If you've had to deal with an insurance company, you know this feeling is all too real. This is a great play on the idea that companies shouldn't treat people like policy numbers.
5) Discover - Surprise
Whoever the ad agency behind these commercials is, keep it up. These Discover It card commercials are pretty entertaining, but this one takes the cake. I don't know why screaming goats are so funny.
6) BMW - Newfangled Idea
This was great, since most of the viewers can relate to the unknown of the internet in 1994. However, electric cars aren't a new idea, and it makes Bryant Gumbel and Katie Couric look like idiots, putting them in a position to make BMW explain the car like everyone in America failed their GED course.
7) Esurance - Sorta Pharmacy
Breaking Bad has been off the air for not that long to where it's not relevant. References to shows like this are still entertaining, and the idea that more than two people owned a Pontiac Aztek is still something that can be funny. And even if you hadn't seen the show, there are still enough references to make it funny.
8) Sketchers - Relaxing with Pete Rose
Pete Rose must be hard up for money, if he's doing commercials for Sketchers. But it's interesting that he still looks the same as he did thirty years ago. But it's good to see someone with a sense of humour where he can poke fun at himself.
2015? You mean we're in the future?" - Marty McFly
That's right Marty, we are in the future.
1989 launched the sequel to the tenth most grossing film trilogies of all time: Back To The Future Part II.
The most unique of the entire trilogy since not only did it play off of the first movie, but blatantly closed itself with the fact there was definitely going to be a third. But it also put in a unique look at what the future might look like in 26 years. (Remember, this was released in 1989 despite the film taking place in 1985. And 1955. And 2015.)
Unlike the blatantly wacky Tex Avery The Farm of Tomorrow and The House of Tomorrow done in the 1950's, the film actually took a close look at the world and technology to make a somewhat serious guess at what 2015 may bring. And while a number of these are true to life, there are a few things which aren't even remotely close to what we have today.
So, what came true?
1) "You have to use your hands? That's like a baby's toy!"
Okay, so maybe motion-controlled video games aren't so prolific that an eight-year-old Elijah Wood would complain about it. But in 2007 Sony released the PlayStation Eye (and followed up in 2010 when Microsoft released Kinect) which uses vision and gesture recognition to allow players to play games without the need of a in-hand controller.
2 & 3) Thank you for calling!
This counts for two.
2) In the time this movie was filmed, the only way you could do face-to-face contact was literally face to face with that person. As time has progressed, we now have computer webcam based chat service. Primarily known as Skype.
3) AT&T. Now, the history of AT&T is truly bizzare. And the fact that the film used AT&T is a somewhat creepy foretelling.
Quick history lesson: In 1984, AT&T was split into seven Regional Bell operating companies (RBOC's) due to the result of an antitrust lawsuit. It wasn't until While AT&T still existed as a division of AT&T (like I said, bizzare). It wasn't until 2005 when one of the breakoff companies, Southwestern Bell Corporation, bought AT&T, bringing us the AT&T company we have today.
So, why is this correct? In Hill Valley in 1985, Pacific Telesis would have the phone carrier as Needles calling would have been a local call, meaning if the filmmakers didn't use AT&T (which was probably done for brand recognition), they would have used the locally correct PacTel.
4) "Against Miami?"
While they aren't called the Gators, or something cliche and stupid like that, the Miami Marlins (originally the Florida Marlins) were Florida's first baseball team. Their first games started in 1993, and won the World Series in 1997 and 2003. However, things aren't looking so promising in 2015 after a less than steller 77-85 record last year. Still better than the Diamondbacks 64-98 season, and much better than Detroit's 43-119 record of 2003.
5) It's so big!
While watching multiple channels at once isn't sweeping the nation, the concept of having a massive flat TV you can hang on the wall isn't a rare sight in most American homes.
And yes, the top right screen is selling "The Super Inflatable Tit" for 50% off. Ron Popeil is probably selling it.
What did those lying bastards fail to tell us correctly?
1) "Hold on, I'll park over there!"
Probably the most obvious (aside from the hoverboard, which isn't included and I'll explain later), is the hover-flying car. The technology is still waaaaaay too far off. And based on today's drivers, the though of those same people flying around in two-tons of steel is scary.
2) "Against Miami?" (Again)
Now, the end of the 2015 baseball season is a few months off, but the chances of the Cubs winning the World Series are slim. The Cubbies came in 22nd out of 30 in the 2014 season, and the team hasn't won the World Series since 1908. That's 107 years. Guess the Curse of the Billy Goat is true.
3) We Built Excitement
During filming of this film, Pontiac was having one of its best years ever. From the Fiero to the Firebird, things were looking good until the mid 2000's when the division of GM was selling mediocre products (with the exception of the G8). As a part of GM's bailout, the 84-year-old Pontiac Division was closed in 2010.
4) News of the Future!!!
This newspaper is filled with more fail than a typical edition of USA Today.
Let's count:
"Washington Prepares for Queen Diana's Visit" Despite the fact that Queen Elizabeth II is still alive and kicking, Princess Diana was killed in 1997.
"Marshall Runs 3-Minute Mile" Unless there's some serious steroid use, Hicham El Guerrouj still holds the mile record at 3:43. This was set in 1999.
"Thumb Bandits Strike" Assuming this is in regards to the proliferation of using thumb pads everywhere, the lack of usage today isn't causing a gang to amputate thumbs.
"President Says She's Tired" Unless Barack Obama isn't telling us something, I'm pretty sure he has a donger-doodle.
"Slamball Playoffs Begin" Unless this is ESPN 8 (The Ocho!), slamball isn't that big. Or interesting. Or 2003.
5) "Right On The Tick!"
Unless inventor of the internet Al Gore used all of his An Inconvenient Truth money to buy weather controlling machines, The Weather Channel is still as reliable as a Yugo. The fact that TWC is doing stuff as pedantic as naming winter storms, it's obvious they still don't know what's going on.
1973. George Steinbrenner bought the Yankees. The Sears Tower becomes the world's tallest building. Richard Nixon gets caught recording phone calls. OPEC creates an oil embargo triggering an energy crisis.
While 1973 wasn't exactly a banner year for the United States, it did kick off one of the biggest changes in the automotive industry. A period most people would wish to forget. However, this period would end up changing what we know as personal cars forever.
"That's what's wrong with this country; nobody asks questions anymore!" -Rob Reiner - "All In The Family"
It's always good to look at history before delving into the details. While there are many speculative reasons changes came about, many of them are still disputed to this day. The most agreed upon cause was the 1973 Oil Crisis. Similar to the unrest still found in the Middle East today compiled with the ongoing Cold War (at the time) caused countries to take sides. As the United States was a supporter of Israel, this created even more tension with the Soviet Union and its supporters (Egypt, Syria, Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Abu Dhabi, Kuwait, and Qatar). During the time of the Yom Kippur war where the US aided Israel, the previously mentioned countries raised oil prices by 17% and announced production cuts. Three days later, Libya announced an oil embargo to the US with Saudi Arabia and other Arab oil producers to follow suit the next day. Following this, the US decided to engage in fuel rationing which resulted in lines at gas stations.
Another more speculative reason was the 1973-74 stock market crash. In the period from the beginning of 1973 and the end of 1974, the New York Stock Exchange lost over 45% of its value which came after 1972's 15% increase. With this crash, also came a 2.1% drop in the US's GDP growth, and a 12.3% increase on inflation.
"Big cars mean big profits!"
1973 was a time where American automakers offered anything from a a 1.6L I4 found in the Ford Pinto, all the way up to an 8.2L (yes, that's right) found in the Cadillac Eldorado. The idea of big cars mean big profits was a common mantra among the big four Detroit Automakers, and previous failed attempts of small cars made the Motor City nervous from straying away from their proven method of making full sized cars.
However, once the oil embargo took place, Americans realized they couldn't stand by cars which got 15mpg at best, and ended up flocking to the Japanese automakers and Volkswagen which had already set a foot stateside with small efficient cars. The American automakers immediately reacted, but the damage was already done. Unable to shed the big cars mean big profits idea, and having no foresight into the impact of the oil embargo, the foreign automakers took market share away from the Americans who were scrambling to come up with something to compete.
"This is a massive 'Oh cock!' " -James May
We can look back now and ask ourselves: What the hell were we thinking? And rightly so. In response to the Asian invasion, the Americans came up with some very, very, very questionable decisions.
From AMC came the Pacer. Ford unveiled the Mustang II. From GM came the Chevette. And from Chrysler was a plethora of rebadged Mitsubishi products.
*mega facepalm*
With the surge to buy small cars, automakers had to make their midsize and full size cars more appealing by offering: sport packages, unique paint schemes, faux-luxury trim in base model cars (read Brougham and Landau packages), and other unique features which the competition didn't have. But the poor fuel economy and poor performance, due to new emissions legislation (Thanks Obama Nixon) did very little to attract former customers.
"Things that make you go hmm..."
But was this all bad?
When people typically think of malaise-era cars, it's typically towards the effects on the muscle cars: Mustang, Challenger, Javelin, Corvette, Camaro, Trans Am, etc.
The idea of a Mustang with 130hp out of a 5.0L isn't steller. Period.
But there were three groups which changed the face of the auto industry in this time.
Muscle cars. Big cars. Small cars.
"Hey Little Cobra, don't you know you're gonna shut 'em down!"
Ford pulled off fast with the offering of the Mustang II. As much as the car is poo-poo'd today, it ended up as an amazing seller for the Dearborn automaker. Just under 300,000 ponies were sold in 1974. A feat which has only been beat once (1979) since then.
GM followed with a more aerodynamic muscle car lineup across the board.
Lesson learned? For all of the American automakers, it forced engineers to look at a new approach for high performance engines. Anything under 10mpg was no longer acceptable. While it took quite a while (1985 to be exact) for them to get the formula somewhat right and offer performance cars which put out over 200 hp, but still get semi-respectable fuel economy. This is one of the industry's strongest lesson learned as it's still a mission to get maximum power and fuel economy. (Yes, legislation has a large part to do with this as well)
"This isn't your father's Oldsmobile"
Ford LTD. Chevrolet Impala. Dodge Monaco. Mercury Grand Marquis. Oldsmobile 98. Some Chrysler Corp. variant. Lincoln Continental. Cadillac DeVille. Chrysler New Yorker.
All full sized cars which were changed big time by the malaise era.
By the end of the 70's, the full size car was no longer 19 feet long with a gas chugging V8. By 1979, no automaker offered an engine larger than 400 in³ as standard equipment, and rarely anything larger than a 425 in³ as an option.
TIME magazine called it "an amazing shrinking act", an article which Ford used in 1978 touting the size of the LTD, before shrinking the car 15 inches the following year.
Lesson learned? Similar to the muscle cars, consumers shouted for better fuel economy as well as better drive-ability. Into the 80's, full sized cars averaged a length of 209 inches. Compared to 227 inches just a couple years earlier. Along with the smaller size, automakers also introduced smaller yet more powerful engines, which were still V8's. Automakers also stopped including uniquely 70's options such as retractable headlight covers, multiple interior colors, fender skirts, and landau roofs. Trim levels were also reduced to two or three per vehicle.
What does the future hold? For a full sized car, the future isn't too pretty. Ford produced the last true full sized car (body on frame) in 2011. With consumer desire for better fuel economy, and the growing acceptance of smaller cars and crossovers, the demand for full sized cars is waning, and could be extinct within the next decade.
"It's a Yugo. It's built for economy, not speed." -Samuel L. Jackson - Die Hard With A Vengeance
Small cars the biggest change to the American auto industry since the assembly line. Seriously. By the beginning of the 1980's into the 90's, The Big Four Three (RIP AMC) finally started figuring out the recipe for a successful small and compact car.
After experiences with Honda, Toyota, Datsun, and Volkswagen, American consumers started coming around again to the Americans.
Small and compact cars exploded (literally in some cases, Ford Pinto) onto the streets from all automakers.
Ford had the Escort and Tempo. GM had the Chevette and introduced the Geo brand for economy cars. Chrysler had the K-Car party. All of the automakers had more compact and subcompact offerings than ever before. Despite a recession in the early 80's and economic tension towards the end of the decade, Americans started buying small cars, much to the happiness of the automakers.
Lesson learned? Offer something for everyone. Not everyone can own or wants to own a full sized car for a daily commute in downtown city traffic. Just because a compact doesn't offer as much profit as a pick up truck, doesn't mean it's not worth the effort. The other lesson learned in this category (which would catch on everywhere), particularly from the Japanese was the idea of platform sharing and being able to share components across multiple vehicles.
"What we're about to do is about as dangerous as... inviting your mum over for an evening on ChatRoulette" -Jeremy Clarkson
The malaise-era cars should never be forgot. There is a plethora of lessons learned which shouldn't be repeated ever again. Ever.
Appreciate these cars, as tacky and ridiculous as some may be. Drive one. Own one. Wonder why you bought one, and smile.
Love the cheesy yellow, orange, and brown stripe paint theme.
Adore the landau roof. Extra points if it's padded.
Appreciate the wall-to-wall porno red interior. Bonus for Naugahyde.
Lust over the absolutely unnecessary use of fake wood grain paneling, both on the interior and exterior.
Enjoy the precise handling comparative only to an ocean liner.
Hanker over the knowledge that the seatbelt is your only safety device, but feel reassured you're surrounded by two tons of steel.
Relish the anemic engine. Regardless of size, it's under-powered.
Cherish the abundant use of chrome. Everywhere. Again, unnecessarily.
Create a fondness for the ability to fix six adults in a car without someone shouting "move your damn seat up!"
Delight over the absolutely horrible build quality.
And respect these cars. For without them, we would still accept 9 mpg, everything would have a V8, quality would be worse than what comes out of China, and we'd still be looking as boxy as a UPS van.
Say the word "Subaru" What comes to your mind? All-wheel-drive rally cars? The end of Paul Hogan's career? Women in comfortable shoes who are kayaking enthusiasts? While all of those are true, is Subaru severing its roots with its die-hard owners to go for sales? 2013 marked record sales for Subaru in the US for all time.
But to first understand Subaru, you have to do a quick look into its American history. Established in 1968 by an entrepreneur by the name of Malcolm Bricklin. If that name sounds familiar, he's the guy who was responsible for bringing Yugo stateside, and the production of his own safety obsessed Bricklin SV1. Apparently Bricklin was only shooting 1/3 on his success. But Bricklin had the foresight in being able to ship over the half-ton microcar stateside and avoid federal standards due to its weight and its 0.36L engine. At this time, Nissan had a 20% stake in Subaru. Throughout much of the life of Subaru, Nissan components can be found in most Subaru vehicles; particularly automatic (non-CVT) transmissions.
Subaru's sales remained weak until the introduction of the BRAT, which was the first Subaru purposely built for the American market. The BRAT proved to be so popular, later US president Ronald Regan owned one.
In 1986, Fuji Heavy Industry (the owning company of Subaru) took full control of all North American operations from Bricklin. Three years later, Subaru opened its first, and only, plant in the US in Lafayette Indiana. The plant was a joint venture with Isuzu (who had ownership in FHI) where the Subaru Legacy and the Isuzu Rodeo were produced.
In 1999, Renault purchased Nissan, who in turn sold its stake in Subaru to General Motors. This lead to a large refresh in the Subaru lineup. Legacy in 2000, Impreza in 2000, Outback in 2000, and Traviq in 2001. GM's partnership also lead to a revival of the BRAT called the Baja in 2003. But GM's interaction with Subaru also went the other way, with the badge engineered Saab 9-2X which was a rebadged Impreza.
However, GM's ties with Subaru barely lasted a decade. GM sold 8.7% of Subaru ownership to Toyota, penning a deal which allowed GM to operate the Lafayette plant until 2007, where then Toyota would take control of the plant and global operations. The remaining 11.4% stake that GM owned was released into the public market.
This pretty much brings us today. Toyota still has their stake in Subaru, and still uses the Lafayette plant to produce the Subaru Legacy, Subaru Outback, and the Toyota Camry. But this is also where our story takes a hard left into a field of weirdness.
Since 2008, Subaru sales in the United States are up 127%. Granted, that little economic crisis may have had a major affect on the industry. But in that time, the changes in Subaru has been obvious and glaring to a rather obsessive and passionate group known as current owners.
Since Toyota has started having its hands in the Subaru lineup, we have seen a full update of the lineup, with the addition of two new vehicles: BRZ and XV Crosstrek. And this is where long term Subaru owners are getting the feeling of concern with the company of their much beloved cars.
Subaru cars are known for four things: flat-4 or -6 engines, full-time all wheel drive, their legendary longevity, and the ability to attract fans of flannel. However, one of those quite important things has changed. Unlike Subaru cars of the past, the full-time all wheel drive doesn't exist anymore. While the cars do still have all wheel drive, it's been changed to the front-drive/rear-reserve system found in more common vehicles such as the Ford Escape or Honda CR-V. This change and the change of the driving feel has put off some die-hard Subaru owners from trading in their 400,000 mile-strong Legacy.
The anticipation for the new WRX and WRX-STI for the 2015 model year had been massive. People had been expecting a wonderful new performance go-getter from the Far East. But there has been one major problem, and people are not exactly happy about it. 2015 also marks the end of the hatchback. One of Subaru's largest previous best sellers doesn't exist anymore. Could this be a continuation of the "American's don't like hatchbacks" myth? Possibly. But is it a sign Subaru has stopped listening to their customers? Yes.
One of the big Toyota/Subaru joint ventures has been the Subaru BRZ/Toyota 86/Scion FR-S. A unique car for the Subaru lineup as this doesn't come with all wheel drive. For the past two years, Subaru has been selling these cars along side Scion in the US, selling 56,327 since it's debut. But the one thing consumers has been clammoring about is a performance model. Or at the very least; an available turbocharged engine. The corporate response has been lukewarm with promises of an upgraded model which end up falling off the table for one reason or another.
Then there's the general feel of the new Subaru vehicles. To quote Hamlet, "Something is wrong in the state of Denmark." In this case, I guess I should say Japan. Something has been lost with newer Subaru vehicles. The joy and passion of driving seems to have been thrown out the window. In the past, it didn't matter if you had the WRX-STI or a base model Legacy, you could still have some fun with the car. You felt connected to the road in all conditions, and didn't get thrown around in your seat like SS Minnow in its third hour.
While Subaru's sales are up, their lack of keeping that warm and fuzzy feeling to its existing customers is waning to the feeling someone would get from one of the American Big 3 or Japanese Big 3. Opposite of the sales is the repeat customer rate, which for years scored Subaru a top four spot, which is now at 36% behind Kia, Ford, Chevrolet, Hyundai, Toyota, and Honda, according to a study by Experian. Worse yet, this puts them in company with Mercedes and BMW who aren't exactly known for their high quality anymore. An obvious sign, that Subaru is now at the point of selling cars to sell cars, instead of selling cars for their customers.
1) You get upset at the sight of someone throwing away a pop can
Since 1978, Michigan has had the highest deposit value on returnables. As much as the iconic Seinfeld episode where Kramer tries to return cans bought in New York in Michigan, the state's 10¢ return is well known. However, Michiganders are well engrained in knowing pop/beer bottles and cans have a cash value on it, watching someone out of state throw away a can is a wrong. With this, the State of Michigan reports that since 1990, the average redemption rate is 97%; higher than any other state with cash deposit value.
2) You know party stores DO carry party supplies. All in the form of alcohol
For as long as most people can remember, the term Party Store has been used in Michigan for a liquor store. Even chain stores such as 7-Eleven fall under this name.
3) American and Canadian coins have the same value and usage.
With the exception of the Loonie and the Two-nie, Canadian coins can be found in the pocket of most Detroiters. With the exception of vending machines, these coins can be used the same as American currency with no questions asked.
4) You don't have a problem with a Michigan Left, but dread the thought of navigating through a roundabout.
A unique feature found in Metro Detroit since the 1960's is the Michigan Left (left photo). While most people don't have an issue with this, it's a tell-tale way to identify an out of towner. Some other states are attempting to use the Michigan Left to help alleviate traffic issues, but have had trouble as many drivers find it confusing. But as time goes on, MDOT has found Roundabouts to be a seemingly effective traffic control. However, deployment of some roundabouts (right photo) has left drivers confused, frustrated, and finding new routes, despite the state planning to add more.
5) You know the back ways to get anywhere due to construction.
This video pretty much sums it up.
6) You don't get the fuss about Chicago Style or New York Style pizza
Unique to the Detroit area is Detroit Style pizza. With it's pan fried dough, deep sauce, and toppings galore, Detroiters get an amazing experience with local greats Buddy's Pizza, Hungry Howie's, and the now national chain Domino's.
7) 40° differences in the weather from day to day are a sign of spring.
Michigan weather is crazier than Ted Nugent. Michiganders never really put away winter or summer clothes except in the closet for a few weeks.
8) You call all of the freeways by either number only, or by name.
Within the Metro Detroit area, all of the freeways are named. All of them. And with the freeway system in the area, ownership varies from the county level to the national level, and they all seem to cross. But unique to Michigan, is not identifying ownership of the road. So, instead of saying "Take I-696 to I-96 to US-23 to M-59" it's just "Take the Reuther to 96 to 23 and get off at 59." While the number method may not seem like a problem, it's easy to confuse US-23 with 23 Mile Rd.
9) You've gone years without drinking "mainstream" pop
Definitely a regional thing, and not an ICP thing. Detroit is the home of both Faygo and Vernor's. Two unique brands which are not found far outside of the Great Lakes Area, if not Michigan itself.
The oldest pop in the country, Vernor's was (like many great things) an accident in it's creation. It's unique sweet taste and extremely high carbonation makes it a heavy favorite over Canada Dry and other ginger ales. Unless you grew up drinking this, it's very difficult to drink it without having a coughing fit.
106 years later, Faygo still celebrates strong popularity in Michigan, and holds a very strong identity with Detroit. Found in every flavor imaginable, Faygo has a strong popularity in the Detroit area for being only 99¢ for a 24 ounce bottle, and great to mix with drinks.
10) You know taking an international trip doesn't require an airport
For most Detroiters, going into Canada is less of a hassle than going to Florida for vacation. This includes former Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick who stated "I went to Canada, not a foreign country".
The hardest part is determining whether to take the tunnel or the Ambassador Bridge.
11) When traveling, you are confused that Dairy Queen is open more than eight months out of the year.
Until recently, it was not uncommon for all Dairy Queen locations to be closed from November to March. The reason? Winter, duh.
12) You avoid Southfield Freeway when it rains.
Even after the major restoration project which fouled up Southfield between Ford Rd and 696, they still haven't figured out how to drain it when it rains.
13) You consider the tram at Metro Airport "public transportation"
When the new McNamara terminal was built, the length of the airport was apparently a hindrance to some passengers, so the tram which spans the entire length of terminal A was built. However, with Detroit's poor record of public transportation, this joins the Detroit People Mover as one of the few reliable forms of Detroit's public transportation.
14) In the spring, you find 50° to break out the t-shirt and shorts.
After six months of winter, anything more than 28° is considered "warm weather".
15) You understand why the term "mother nature" is appropriate.
There's a saying in Michigan: If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes. This is true. One day can have rain, snow, hail, and sun, all while having a 30° temperature shift from one extreme to the other. This is proof enough that mother nature must be menstruating like a mother fucker!
16) When someone tells you to "go to Hell" you reply back with "I was there last weekend, and traffic on 23 sucked!"
No, seriously. Nestled to the north of Ann Arbor, is the quaint village of Hell. A favorite of everyone (because of the name), Hell offers some amazing ice cream, and a great bar to boot. Fortunately, there's not a lawyer to be found in the village, but one can be found in Pinckney.
17) You don't understand why people NEED all-wheel-drive/four-wheel-drive south of Indianapolis.
Michigan is no stranger to snow, although the past few winters have been quite lackluster. Though with the various road commissions high attention to the roads during the winter, good driving skills take over. While it's not uncommon to see trucks and SUV's with AWD/4WD running around Detroit, only about 10% of cars registered in the metro area have AWD.
18) You get defensive when people bad mouth Detroit.
While Detroit isn't the most beautiful or economically successful major city in the US, Detroit has a unique characteristic that isn't found elsewhere: Most residents in the metro area identify with being from Detroit. Not a certain neighborhood, or a certain town, but take pride in identifying with Detroit. It even comes to a point where deciding on whether or not Michigan Central Station should be torn down becomes emotionally charged.
19) Lafayette vs. American
The biggest fight in Detroit isn't choosing Michigan or Michigan State, but choosing Lafayette or American. For 96 years, these two establishments have stood next to each other on Lafayette Ave. being home to the Coney Dog. While each restaurant has their own special recipe, enemies can be quickly created if there is a difference between favorite coney dog. While coney islands are found throughout the metro area, Lafayette and American only serve four things: Coney Dogs, Chili Fries, Pop, and Beer; surviving since 1917 on those alone.
20) In your mind, Detroit expands well outside of Wayne County.
Going as far west as Wixom, as far north as Auburn Hills, and as far south as Woodhaven, this can all be considered a part of "Detroit" to all locals. It just varies from the "good parts" to the "bad parts"
21) Seriously, you don't know the speed limit on 696.
It's common knowledge in the area there are two speeds on the Reuther Freeway: Autobahn and Parking Lot. 696 has the highest average speed outside of rush hour over every other freeway in the state. While the average speed is down to 78 mph, it's not uncommon to be doing 90 mph while being passed with a majority of traffic.
21) You're really happy when the Lions have a 2-14 season.
In 2008, the Detroit Lions set an NFL record with a 0-16 season. No other team has ever done that bad. And while it may seem like the 0-16 season may have been a fluke, it's not. The Lions haven't made it to the Super Bowl since before there was a Super Bowl. So, if the Lions manage to win more than one game per season, we get happy.
22) When traveling to another major city, you get confused and upset that you can't get any food you want.
On a visit in 2009, Anthony Bourdain said "Detroit, oddly enough, even while looking the jaws of death straight in
the face, remains closest to being a true culinary wonderland." And this is true. Nowhere in the rest of the United States can you get Arabic food, Italian food, Greek food, Chinese food, Polish food, Mexican food, etc. all within the same city. And I'm not talking about some fast food joint. We're talking real food, usually from immigrants or the descendants of immigrants who came to Detroit.
23) You've eaten a Paczki. You know what a Paczki is. You ignore the number of calories in a Pazcki. You know when to get to Hamtramck to get real Paczki.
While the people in New Orleans are preparing for a day of killing their liver, the people of Detroit are flocking to Hamtramck (A small city within the borders of Detroit, originally home to many Polish immigrants) to get their hands on some Paczki. Fat Tuesday is a major holiday in Detroit, with stores being packed with the little 25 grams of fat, fried dough, jelly filled marvels. Flavors include Bavarian Cream, Lemon, Prune, Strawberry, and Cherry, but Detroiters know to skip Meijer, tell the boss you're coming in late, and head to Little Poland for some artery clogging goodness.
24) You're upset when you have to get Starbucks.
Michigan is in a unique position when it comes to coffee. Especially where Biggby (formerly Beaner's), Carabou Coffee and Tim Horton's outnumber the Starbucks locations. Go to Beaner's, get a Caramel Butter Bear. Aside from sounding slightly dirty, it's really good.
25) You know Detroit as the home of great music.
When it comes to Detroit and music, there's no other name more well known than Motown. Setup in a house on West Grand Blvd., Motown was putting out more number one hits than any other record label during that time. The unique sound flooded all over the world, even despite the president of EMI Records (Motown's distributor in England) who said Motown would never catch on in England because the tambourine was too loud. Incorporating the sounds of The Funk Brothers and the Detroit Symphony Orchestra, the sound of Motown is everywhere to be found, and never copied.
However, Detroit is also home to two other formats which often get overlooked: Electronica and hip-hop. Detroit is home to the largest Electronic Music Festival in the United States, recognizing the city as the home of techno music this side of the Atlantic. Hip-hop/rap is also highly regarded in the city. Aside from large acts like Eminem and Insane Clown Posse, Detroit has it's own unique style of underground rap which the city holds in high regards.
26) You can spot someone from out of town based on their pronunciations of Cadieux, Schoenherr, and Gratiot.
As Detroit is known as a melting pot of all heritages, many of the street names have come from French and German. However, being the Americans that we are, we've slaughtered the names. Horrifically. Instead of the correct French pronounciation of Cadieux, it's pronounced "cad-jyoo". Instead of the German pronounciation of Schoenherr, it's pronounced "shay-ner".
Side note: Yes, Exit 69 is Big Beaver Rd in Troy, MI.
27) You still try to find a car salesman who can fly.
Being in the motor city, Detroit has always been a battleground for the dealerships. So, who wouldn't trust a guy in a cape selling used cars? Just remember, you can go to a competing dealer, but they can't fly either! And this isn't the only example. Detroiters can still remember that "Me and Dawg want you to go to Telegraph Road" and know the voice of "Don Massey, for Don Massey Cadillac. I-275 and Ann Arbor Rd. in Plymouth"
28) You don't understand why a passport is required to go to Windsor, but not Ann Arbor
Ann Arbor. Home to the University of Michigan, and oft quoted as being "25 square miles surrounded by reality". Despite being the home to 43,000 students from all around the world, most Ann Arbor residents seemingly thumb their noses at anyone who is not from the city or shares their ideals. Aside from being a pain in the ass to navigate, Ann Arbor is an impressive city for it's focus on arts and culture, but the majority of the residents need to get off their high horses and come back to reality.
29) You don't have a problem driving through Detroit, but loathe having to go to Flint
Unlike Detroit, the entirety of Flint's economy was based on the numerous GM plants which helped sculpt the landscape of the city. However, once GM started shipping work to Mexico and Canada, plants like Buick City (above) shut down, and thousands of Flint residents were unemployed. For a number of years, Flint has been considered more dangerous than Detroit.
30) You hate Michael Moore
Since producing "Roger and Me" in the late 1980's, Michigander's have strong feelings against Michael Moore. Several admitting that "Canadian Bacon" has been the greatest film he's done which he's actually claimed as fiction.
31) You want to teach Journey the geography of Detroit.
Just a city boy. Born and raised in South Detroit. Er... what? There is no such thing as South Detroit. The only things south of Detroit are the Detroit River, and Windsor. But, that really doesn't have the same ring to it.
32) You can name at least three "ambulance chaser" attorneys.
Just like every major city, Detroit is no stranger to the attorneys which seem to be on TV, billboards, and in front of the camera every chance they get. The only issue is, they don't go away. In the case of the Bernsteins, they keep multiplying. I want to see the day they all get in a suit against each other.
33) You miss Dick Purtan - And his mustache.
A radio legend in the Metro area, Dick Purtan served as Detroit's funnyman for 45 years. Jumping around from Keener 13 to CKLW and all the way to WOMC until his retirement, Purtan's clean humor and general zany antics provided a comedic morning show the whole family could enjoy.
34) Everything was named after someone, even if it wasn't.
Michigan has a unique oddity with it's accent, whether we want to admit we have one or not. Places are always named after someone, whether they actually are or not. Michiganders have a tendency to add possessiveness to places. For example: instead of saying, I went to Meijer, it would be "I went to Meijer's" One theory of this harkens to the 1920's when Ford was the major employer in the metro area. People would say "I work for Ford's" showing that Henry Ford was the owner of the company. This continued on to other places, and Michiganders still add possessiveness to places.
35) You immediately associate Octopus with Hockey.
Aside from the Lions, Detroit has a great history of major league sports. And when it comes to hockey, the Red Wings reign supreme. While many theories are around connecting the Octopus to the Red Wings, many agree it's great fun to watch someone hurl an octopus onto the ice during a home game.
36) You have a hard time understanding distance in miles
Despite having the roads numbered from 5 Mile all the way up to 37 Mile, measuring distance in miles is practically useless. Instead, using the universal measurement of minutes is a lot easier and more accurate. For example: Traveling Brighton to Dearborn is about 45 minutes. Travelling Royal Oak to Dearborn is about 35 minutes. Despite the two cities being drastically further apart, the time takes into account for traffic, stop lights, and random guys on the corner trying to sell socks. (Okay, the socks thing is Chicago). In addition, the proximity to Canada also strengthens this methodology of measurement.
37) You don't find the "Gaylor Focker" joke in "Meet The Parents" that funny.
It's not that Detroiters are smarter than other people. Hell, with a 25% graduation rate in the Detroit Public Schools, it's definitely not the case. The issue comes up that there's a vacation town in the northern part of the state named Gaylord, to the point Michiganders are conditioned to associate Gaylord with a town, not a silly joke.
38) It's still Pine Knob
In a time where corporate sponsorship seems to be at an all time high, it seems the only hold out in the Detroit area (and in major league sports overall) is the Palace of Auburn Hills. But regardless of DTE's corporate sponsorship of the DTE Energy Music Theater, to anyone who grew up in the Metro Detroit area, it's still Pine Knob.
39) If you can't walk there, you have to drive.
Detroit is the motor city. Everyone knows that. But in the motor city, if you don't have a car, you're not going anywhere. Well, you're not going anywhere in a decent amount of time. Detroit has one of the worst public transportation situations in the country. There is the Detroit People Mover which is great if you want to park at Greektown for an event at Cobo, Joe Louis, or the Ren Cen, but other than that, depending on DDOT or SMART is a joke. You have a better chance of getting the clap from a nun, than getting to where you need to be on time taking DDOT or SMART.
40) You see Janice from The Muppets every time you see a billboard for Joumana Kayrouz
The picture above. Enough said.
41) There's a need to fix Detroit, just give us time.
Rome wasn't built in a day. But just like Rome, Detroit didn't get to where it is now in just a day. Fortunately, the residents are getting fed up with corrupt politicians, and are taking change into their own hands. Hopefully soon, Detroit will return as one of the crown jewels of America's great cities.
All photos are property of their respective owners.
