1) You get upset at the sight of someone throwing away a pop can
Since 1978, Michigan has had the highest deposit value on returnables. As much as the iconic Seinfeld episode where Kramer tries to return cans bought in New York in Michigan, the state's 10¢ return is well known. However, Michiganders are well engrained in knowing pop/beer bottles and cans have a cash value on it, watching someone out of state throw away a can is a wrong. With this, the State of Michigan reports that since 1990, the average redemption rate is 97%; higher than any other state with cash deposit value.
2) You know party stores DO carry party supplies. All in the form of alcohol
3) American and Canadian coins have the same value and usage.
4) You don't have a problem with a Michigan Left, but dread the thought of navigating through a roundabout.
A unique feature found in Metro Detroit since the 1960's is the Michigan Left (left photo). While most people don't have an issue with this, it's a tell-tale way to identify an out of towner. Some other states are attempting to use the Michigan Left to help alleviate traffic issues, but have had trouble as many drivers find it confusing. But as time goes on, MDOT has found Roundabouts to be a seemingly effective traffic control. However, deployment of some roundabouts (right photo) has left drivers confused, frustrated, and finding new routes, despite the state planning to add more.
5) You know the back ways to get anywhere due to construction.
This video pretty much sums it up.
6) You don't get the fuss about Chicago Style or New York Style pizza
7) 40° differences in the weather from day to day are a sign of spring.
Michigan weather is crazier than Ted Nugent. Michiganders never really put away winter or summer clothes except in the closet for a few weeks.
8) You call all of the freeways by either number only, or by name.
Within the Metro Detroit area, all of the freeways are named. All of them. And with the freeway system in the area, ownership varies from the county level to the national level, and they all seem to cross. But unique to Michigan, is not identifying ownership of the road. So, instead of saying "Take I-696 to I-96 to US-23 to M-59" it's just "Take the Reuther to 96 to 23 and get off at 59." While the number method may not seem like a problem, it's easy to confuse US-23 with 23 Mile Rd.
9) You've gone years without drinking "mainstream" pop
Definitely a regional thing, and not an ICP thing. Detroit is the home of both Faygo and Vernor's. Two unique brands which are not found far outside of the Great Lakes Area, if not Michigan itself.
The oldest pop in the country, Vernor's was (like many great things) an accident in it's creation. It's unique sweet taste and extremely high carbonation makes it a heavy favorite over Canada Dry and other ginger ales. Unless you grew up drinking this, it's very difficult to drink it without having a coughing fit.
106 years later, Faygo still celebrates strong popularity in Michigan, and holds a very strong identity with Detroit. Found in every flavor imaginable, Faygo has a strong popularity in the Detroit area for being only 99¢ for a 24 ounce bottle, and great to mix with drinks.
10) You know taking an international trip doesn't require an airport
For most Detroiters, going into Canada is less of a hassle than going to Florida for vacation. This includes former Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick who stated "I went to Canada, not a foreign country".
The hardest part is determining whether to take the tunnel or the Ambassador Bridge.
11) When traveling, you are confused that Dairy Queen is open more than eight months out of the year.
Until recently, it was not uncommon for all Dairy Queen locations to be closed from November to March. The reason? Winter, duh.
12) You avoid Southfield Freeway when it rains.
Even after the major restoration project which fouled up Southfield between Ford Rd and 696, they still haven't figured out how to drain it when it rains.
13) You consider the tram at Metro Airport "public transportation"
14) In the spring, you find 50° to break out the t-shirt and shorts.
After six months of winter, anything more than 28° is considered "warm weather".
15) You understand why the term "mother nature" is appropriate.
There's a saying in Michigan: If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes. This is true. One day can have rain, snow, hail, and sun, all while having a 30° temperature shift from one extreme to the other. This is proof enough that mother nature must be menstruating like a mother fucker!
16) When someone tells you to "go to Hell" you reply back with "I was there last weekend, and traffic on 23 sucked!"
No, seriously. Nestled to the north of Ann Arbor, is the quaint village of Hell. A favorite of everyone (because of the name), Hell offers some amazing ice cream, and a great bar to boot. Fortunately, there's not a lawyer to be found in the village, but one can be found in Pinckney.
17) You don't understand why people NEED all-wheel-drive/four-wheel-drive south of Indianapolis.
Michigan is no stranger to snow, although the past few winters have been quite lackluster. Though with the various road commissions high attention to the roads during the winter, good driving skills take over. While it's not uncommon to see trucks and SUV's with AWD/4WD running around Detroit, only about 10% of cars registered in the metro area have AWD.
18) You get defensive when people bad mouth Detroit.
While Detroit isn't the most beautiful or economically successful major city in the US, Detroit has a unique characteristic that isn't found elsewhere: Most residents in the metro area identify with being from Detroit. Not a certain neighborhood, or a certain town, but take pride in identifying with Detroit. It even comes to a point where deciding on whether or not Michigan Central Station should be torn down becomes emotionally charged.
19) Lafayette vs. American
The biggest fight in Detroit isn't choosing Michigan or Michigan State, but choosing Lafayette or American. For 96 years, these two establishments have stood next to each other on Lafayette Ave. being home to the Coney Dog. While each restaurant has their own special recipe, enemies can be quickly created if there is a difference between favorite coney dog. While coney islands are found throughout the metro area, Lafayette and American only serve four things: Coney Dogs, Chili Fries, Pop, and Beer; surviving since 1917 on those alone.
20) In your mind, Detroit expands well outside of Wayne County.
Going as far west as Wixom, as far north as Auburn Hills, and as far south as Woodhaven, this can all be considered a part of "Detroit" to all locals. It just varies from the "good parts" to the "bad parts"
21) Seriously, you don't know the speed limit on 696.
It's common knowledge in the area there are two speeds on the Reuther Freeway: Autobahn and Parking Lot. 696 has the highest average speed outside of rush hour over every other freeway in the state. While the average speed is down to 78 mph, it's not uncommon to be doing 90 mph while being passed with a majority of traffic.
21) You're really happy when the Lions have a 2-14 season.
In 2008, the Detroit Lions set an NFL record with a 0-16 season. No other team has ever done that bad. And while it may seem like the 0-16 season may have been a fluke, it's not. The Lions haven't made it to the Super Bowl since before there was a Super Bowl. So, if the Lions manage to win more than one game per season, we get happy.
22) When traveling to another major city, you get confused and upset that you can't get any food you want.
On a visit in 2009, Anthony Bourdain said "Detroit, oddly enough, even while looking the jaws of death straight in the face, remains closest to being a true culinary wonderland." And this is true. Nowhere in the rest of the United States can you get Arabic food, Italian food, Greek food, Chinese food, Polish food, Mexican food, etc. all within the same city. And I'm not talking about some fast food joint. We're talking real food, usually from immigrants or the descendants of immigrants who came to Detroit.
23) You've eaten a Paczki. You know what a Paczki is. You ignore the number of calories in a Pazcki. You know when to get to Hamtramck to get real Paczki.
While the people in New Orleans are preparing for a day of killing their liver, the people of Detroit are flocking to Hamtramck (A small city within the borders of Detroit, originally home to many Polish immigrants) to get their hands on some Paczki. Fat Tuesday is a major holiday in Detroit, with stores being packed with the little 25 grams of fat, fried dough, jelly filled marvels. Flavors include Bavarian Cream, Lemon, Prune, Strawberry, and Cherry, but Detroiters know to skip Meijer, tell the boss you're coming in late, and head to Little Poland for some artery clogging goodness.
24) You're upset when you have to get Starbucks.
Michigan is in a unique position when it comes to coffee. Especially where Biggby (formerly Beaner's), Carabou Coffee and Tim Horton's outnumber the Starbucks locations. Go to Beaner's, get a Caramel Butter Bear. Aside from sounding slightly dirty, it's really good.
25) You know Detroit as the home of great music.
When it comes to Detroit and music, there's no other name more well known than Motown. Setup in a house on West Grand Blvd., Motown was putting out more number one hits than any other record label during that time. The unique sound flooded all over the world, even despite the president of EMI Records (Motown's distributor in England) who said Motown would never catch on in England because the tambourine was too loud. Incorporating the sounds of The Funk Brothers and the Detroit Symphony Orchestra, the sound of Motown is everywhere to be found, and never copied.
However, Detroit is also home to two other formats which often get overlooked: Electronica and hip-hop. Detroit is home to the largest Electronic Music Festival in the United States, recognizing the city as the home of techno music this side of the Atlantic. Hip-hop/rap is also highly regarded in the city. Aside from large acts like Eminem and Insane Clown Posse, Detroit has it's own unique style of underground rap which the city holds in high regards.
26) You can spot someone from out of town based on their pronunciations of Cadieux, Schoenherr, and Gratiot.
As Detroit is known as a melting pot of all heritages, many of the street names have come from French and German. However, being the Americans that we are, we've slaughtered the names. Horrifically. Instead of the correct French pronounciation of Cadieux, it's pronounced "cad-jyoo". Instead of the German pronounciation of Schoenherr, it's pronounced "shay-ner".
Side note: Yes, Exit 69 is Big Beaver Rd in Troy, MI.
27) You still try to find a car salesman who can fly.
Being in the motor city, Detroit has always been a battleground for the dealerships. So, who wouldn't trust a guy in a cape selling used cars? Just remember, you can go to a competing dealer, but they can't fly either! And this isn't the only example. Detroiters can still remember that "Me and Dawg want you to go to Telegraph Road" and know the voice of "Don Massey, for Don Massey Cadillac. I-275 and Ann Arbor Rd. in Plymouth"
28) You don't understand why a passport is required to go to Windsor, but not Ann Arbor
Ann Arbor. Home to the University of Michigan, and oft quoted as being "25 square miles surrounded by reality". Despite being the home to 43,000 students from all around the world, most Ann Arbor residents seemingly thumb their noses at anyone who is not from the city or shares their ideals. Aside from being a pain in the ass to navigate, Ann Arbor is an impressive city for it's focus on arts and culture, but the majority of the residents need to get off their high horses and come back to reality.
29) You don't have a problem driving through Detroit, but loathe having to go to Flint
Unlike Detroit, the entirety of Flint's economy was based on the numerous GM plants which helped sculpt the landscape of the city. However, once GM started shipping work to Mexico and Canada, plants like Buick City (above) shut down, and thousands of Flint residents were unemployed. For a number of years, Flint has been considered more dangerous than Detroit.
30) You hate Michael Moore
Since producing "Roger and Me" in the late 1980's, Michigander's have strong feelings against Michael Moore. Several admitting that "Canadian Bacon" has been the greatest film he's done which he's actually claimed as fiction.
31) You want to teach Journey the geography of Detroit.
Just a city boy. Born and raised in South Detroit. Er... what? There is no such thing as South Detroit. The only things south of Detroit are the Detroit River, and Windsor. But, that really doesn't have the same ring to it.
32) You can name at least three "ambulance chaser" attorneys.
Just like every major city, Detroit is no stranger to the attorneys which seem to be on TV, billboards, and in front of the camera every chance they get. The only issue is, they don't go away. In the case of the Bernsteins, they keep multiplying. I want to see the day they all get in a suit against each other.
33) You miss Dick Purtan - And his mustache.
A radio legend in the Metro area, Dick Purtan served as Detroit's funnyman for 45 years. Jumping around from Keener 13 to CKLW and all the way to WOMC until his retirement, Purtan's clean humor and general zany antics provided a comedic morning show the whole family could enjoy.
34) Everything was named after someone, even if it wasn't.
Michigan has a unique oddity with it's accent, whether we want to admit we have one or not. Places are always named after someone, whether they actually are or not. Michiganders have a tendency to add possessiveness to places. For example: instead of saying, I went to Meijer, it would be "I went to Meijer's" One theory of this harkens to the 1920's when Ford was the major employer in the metro area. People would say "I work for Ford's" showing that Henry Ford was the owner of the company. This continued on to other places, and Michiganders still add possessiveness to places.
35) You immediately associate Octopus with Hockey.
Aside from the Lions, Detroit has a great history of major league sports. And when it comes to hockey, the Red Wings reign supreme. While many theories are around connecting the Octopus to the Red Wings, many agree it's great fun to watch someone hurl an octopus onto the ice during a home game.
36) You have a hard time understanding distance in miles
Despite having the roads numbered from 5 Mile all the way up to 37 Mile, measuring distance in miles is practically useless. Instead, using the universal measurement of minutes is a lot easier and more accurate. For example: Traveling Brighton to Dearborn is about 45 minutes. Travelling Royal Oak to Dearborn is about 35 minutes. Despite the two cities being drastically further apart, the time takes into account for traffic, stop lights, and random guys on the corner trying to sell socks. (Okay, the socks thing is Chicago). In addition, the proximity to Canada also strengthens this methodology of measurement.
37) You don't find the "Gaylor Focker" joke in "Meet The Parents" that funny.
It's not that Detroiters are smarter than other people. Hell, with a 25% graduation rate in the Detroit Public Schools, it's definitely not the case. The issue comes up that there's a vacation town in the northern part of the state named Gaylord, to the point Michiganders are conditioned to associate Gaylord with a town, not a silly joke.
38) It's still Pine Knob
In a time where corporate sponsorship seems to be at an all time high, it seems the only hold out in the Detroit area (and in major league sports overall) is the Palace of Auburn Hills. But regardless of DTE's corporate sponsorship of the DTE Energy Music Theater, to anyone who grew up in the Metro Detroit area, it's still Pine Knob.
39) If you can't walk there, you have to drive.
Detroit is the motor city. Everyone knows that. But in the motor city, if you don't have a car, you're not going anywhere. Well, you're not going anywhere in a decent amount of time. Detroit has one of the worst public transportation situations in the country. There is the Detroit People Mover which is great if you want to park at Greektown for an event at Cobo, Joe Louis, or the Ren Cen, but other than that, depending on DDOT or SMART is a joke. You have a better chance of getting the clap from a nun, than getting to where you need to be on time taking DDOT or SMART.
40) You see Janice from The Muppets every time you see a billboard for Joumana Kayrouz
The picture above. Enough said.
41) There's a need to fix Detroit, just give us time.
Rome wasn't built in a day. But just like Rome, Detroit didn't get to where it is now in just a day. Fortunately, the residents are getting fed up with corrupt politicians, and are taking change into their own hands. Hopefully soon, Detroit will return as one of the crown jewels of America's great cities.
All photos are property of their respective owners.
