I'm Proud to Buy Oreo Cookies!

Just recently, Oreo (created by the Nabisco division of Kraft Foods) has released a marketing campaign of their 100 year old cookie in support of LGBT pride. This is Pride month, afterall.

But within mere minutes of Oreo releasing the image of a rainbow filled cookie (imagine the cavities in that one!) on the corporate Facebook page, comments of outrage and disgrace filled between the comments of praise and support for the company's stance on LGBT rights. Within another mere minues, a boycott of Oreo's had been formed.

Though, this irritates me when I see people comment about how it's an "abomination" and they're "no longer allowing [Oreo's] into my home" about how unbelievably naïve these people are being.

So, to all of you educationally challenged, homophobic, Old Testament only reading, crazies: Here's a little list to help you on what you can and can't use due to companies stances on LGBT rights.

#1) Get rid of your Ferd F-teen thousand. Every automaker has a pro-gay stance with the exception of Hyundai/Kia, Porsche, and Suzuki. I'd love to see how you look trying to tow your horse trailer in a Hyundai Sonata.

On second thought, most automotive suppliers hold a pro-gay stance. Sell your car. Don't drive anything. Plus, you wouldn't be able to get anywhere. BP and Chevron both have a pro stance on gay rights.

Oh, and don't use public transportation. Between the parts that built that thing and the people who drive/maintain/own it... you never know. You might catch the gay.


#2) Unless you have paid off your mortgage, sell your house. Close your bank account. Cancel all of your credit cards. Banks? Yep. You guessed it. Gay-friendly. How else do you think the gays can afford to keep going to the mall? It's not the Jews who own the banks. It's the gays.


#3) Cancel your insurance. All of it. Health. Home. Auto. Life. All of it. Unless you have 'Brian's Insurance Company', a majority of the insurance companies are gay friendly. But again, you never have been too sure about Brian. Cancel your insurance with him, just to be on the safe side.


#4) Stop eating. There is no larger group in the country who has a pro-gay stance than the food industry. It's not just Oreo's. No, it's much larger than that. No Oscar Mayer hot dogs, Philadelphia Cream Cheese, Maxwell House coffee, A1 Steak Sauce, Ritz crackers, Chips Ahoy cookies, Jell-O, Kool-Aid, Fig Newtons, Nilla Wafers, Stove Top stuffing, or Wheat Thins. The scary part is that all of those products fall under the Kraft Foods family alone! So, just to be safe, stop eating. Chances are you may be one of the majority of Americans who is overweight, so just think of it as a good thing.


#5) Have all of your utilities shut off. The phone needs to be the first one to go. With the exception of Altel, every cell phone provider his gay friendly. Now, I know what you're thinking, "But what about the NASCAR Sprint Cup?" Sorry, I understand your somewhat unnatural feelings towards Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and the strange attraction of watching cars run around in a circle at 200 miles per hour, but no more NASCAR.
That's not going to be a problem though since you're going to have to shut off your water, gas, and electricity. More an more utility companies, whether they are through the city or not, are becoming more and more gay friendly.


#6) This one may be hard. Get rid of your gun. While the gun manufacturers themselves have yet to hold a defined stance on gay rights, the munitions makers are starting to stand with the gays. I understand that being able to defend yourself or shoot up in the air for no reason at 3:00 in the morning is important, but I hope you get enough time to learn how to defend yourself using more traditional methods, such as with an axe, hatchet, or children.

So in summary: No transportation, no bank accounts, no insurance, no food, no water, no phone, no electricity, and no guns. Got it?


After typing all of this, I could go for some Oreo's.

My Movie Collection

Available on DVD
28 Days Later
28 Weeks Later
8 Mile

A Night At The Roxbury
Accepted
Ace Ventura Pet Detective
American History X
Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy
Animal House

Baby's Day Out
Back To The Future
Back To The Future II
Back To The Future III
Barbershop 2: Back in Business
Big Trouble in Little China
Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
Big Daddy
Black Sheep
Blades of Glory
The Blues Brothers
The Boondock Saints
Borat
The Brave Little Toaster
Bruce Almighty

Caddy Shack
Capote
Casino Royale
Casper
Catch Me If You Can
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
Chicken Run
City Slickers
Click
Clue
Clueless
Coming To America
Congo

Dennis the Menace
Dodgeball
Dogma
Donnie Darko
Down and Derby
Dudley Do-Right
Dumb and Dumber
Dumb and Dumberer

Elf
EuroTrip
Encino Man

Fargo
Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Ferris Bueller's Day Off
The Fifth Element
Four Brothers
Follow Me, Boys!
Fried Green Tomates
Full Metal Jacket
Fun with Dick and Jane

Ghostbusters
Ghostbusters II
Good Morning, Vietnam
The Goonies
The Great Outdoors

Hackers
Hancock
The Happening
Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle
Heavyweights
Hot Fuzz
Howard the Duck

I Am Legend
Ice Age
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
Invictus

Jurassic Park
Jurassic Park: The Lost World
Jurassic Park III

Kindergarden Cop
Kung Pow: Enter The Fist

Liar Liar
The Little Rascals
Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Live Free or Die Hard

Major League II
Major Payne
Mannequin
Mannequin 2: On The Move
Men In Black II
The Men Who Stare At Goats
Milk
Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Mr. Deeds
Mr. Mom
Mr. Holland's Opus
Mrs. Doubtfire
My Cousin Vinny

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
National Lampoon's European Vacation
National Lampoon's Vacation
National Lampoon's Van Wilder: The Rise of Taj
National Treasure
New Moon

O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Office Space
The Omen
One Hour Photo

The Pacifier
Philadelphia
Planes, Trains and Automobiles
Platoon
Poltergeist
Police Academy
Private Parts
The Producers

Rat Race
Reno 911: The Movie
Revenge of the Nerds
Robocop
Robots
The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Run Lola Run (Lola Rennt)

The Sandlot
Scary Movie 3
Scary Movie 4
Schizo
Scooby-Doo
Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed
Secondhand Lions
Shaun of the Dead
The Shawshank Redemption
Signs
The Simpsons Movie
Sister Act
Smokey and the Bandit
Smokey and the Bandit 2
Smokey and the Bandit 3
So I Married an Axe Murderer
Son In Law
Spaceballs
Strange Brew
Stripes
Stuck On You
Super Mario Bros.

Team America: World Police
Terminator 2: Judgement Day
The Terminal
Tommy Boy
Trainspotting
Tremors
Tremors 2: Aftershocks
Tremors 3: Back to Perfection
Tremors 4: The Legend Begins
Tron
Tropic Thunder
Total Recall
Twister

UHF
Uncle Buck

Vegas Vacation

Walk The Line
WarGames
Wayne's World
Wayne's World 2
Wedding Crashers
What About Bob?
White Noise
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

Youth In Revolt

Available on BluRay
2001: A Space Odyssey

A.I.: Artificial Intelligence
Apollo 13
Apollo 18

Behind Enemy Lines
The Big Lebowski
Blazing Saddles

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

The Dark Knight
The Day After Tomorrow
Dazed and Confused
Die Hard
Die Hard 2: Die Harder
Die Hard With A Vengeance

Fantastic Mr. Fox
The Fifth Element
Footloose
Forrest Gump

Goodfellas

Home Alone
Home Alone 2: Lost In New York
How To Train Your Dragon
The Hurt Locker

I, Robot
Inception
Independence Day

Live Free or Die Hard

Mad Max
Major League

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
Night At The Museum
Night At The Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

The Omen

Pineapple Express

Real Steel

Scrooged
Stranger Than Fiction
Starship Troopers

Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
Transformers
Transformers 2
Tron Legacy

Up

Wall•E
The Wedding Singer


TV on DVD
Archer (Seasons 1 & 2)
Family Guy (Seasons 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Family Guy - It's A Trap
Happy Tree Friends (Seasons 1 & 2)
Little Britain (Season 1)
Skins (Seasons 1 & 2)
Top Gear (Seasons 10, 12, & 16)
Queer As Folk (Season 1)
Mork and Mindy (Season 1)
Outsourced (Season 1)
The Young Ones (Seasons 1 & 2)