Just recently, Oreo (created by the Nabisco division of Kraft Foods) has released a marketing campaign of their 100 year old cookie in support of LGBT pride. This is Pride month, afterall.
But within mere minutes of Oreo releasing the image of a rainbow filled cookie (imagine the cavities in that one!) on the corporate Facebook page, comments of outrage and disgrace filled between the comments of praise and support for the company's stance on LGBT rights. Within another mere minues, a boycott of Oreo's had been formed.
Though, this irritates me when I see people comment about how it's an "abomination" and they're "no longer allowing [Oreo's] into my home" about how unbelievably naïve these people are being.
So, to all of you educationally challenged, homophobic, Old Testament only reading, crazies: Here's a little list to help you on what you can and can't use due to companies stances on LGBT rights.
#1) Get rid of your Ferd F-teen thousand. Every automaker has a pro-gay stance with the exception of Hyundai/Kia, Porsche, and Suzuki. I'd love to see how you look trying to tow your horse trailer in a Hyundai Sonata.
On second thought, most automotive suppliers hold a pro-gay stance. Sell your car. Don't drive anything. Plus, you wouldn't be able to get anywhere. BP and Chevron both have a pro stance on gay rights.
Oh, and don't use public transportation. Between the parts that built that thing and the people who drive/maintain/own it... you never know. You might catch the gay.
#2) Unless you have paid off your mortgage, sell your house. Close your bank account. Cancel all of your credit cards. Banks? Yep. You guessed it. Gay-friendly. How else do you think the gays can afford to keep going to the mall? It's not the Jews who own the banks. It's the gays.
#3) Cancel your insurance. All of it. Health. Home. Auto. Life. All of it. Unless you have 'Brian's Insurance Company', a majority of the insurance companies are gay friendly. But again, you never have been too sure about Brian. Cancel your insurance with him, just to be on the safe side.
#4) Stop eating. There is no larger group in the country who has a pro-gay stance than the food industry. It's not just Oreo's. No, it's much larger than that. No Oscar Mayer hot dogs, Philadelphia Cream Cheese, Maxwell House coffee, A1 Steak Sauce, Ritz crackers, Chips Ahoy cookies, Jell-O, Kool-Aid, Fig Newtons, Nilla Wafers, Stove Top stuffing, or Wheat Thins. The scary part is that all of those products fall under the Kraft Foods family alone! So, just to be safe, stop eating. Chances are you may be one of the majority of Americans who is overweight, so just think of it as a good thing.
#5) Have all of your utilities shut off. The phone needs to be the first one to go. With the exception of Altel, every cell phone provider his gay friendly. Now, I know what you're thinking, "But what about the NASCAR Sprint Cup?" Sorry, I understand your somewhat unnatural feelings towards Dale Earnhardt, Jr. and the strange attraction of watching cars run around in a circle at 200 miles per hour, but no more NASCAR.
That's not going to be a problem though since you're going to have to shut off your water, gas, and electricity. More an more utility companies, whether they are through the city or not, are becoming more and more gay friendly.
#6) This one may be hard. Get rid of your gun. While the gun manufacturers themselves have yet to hold a defined stance on gay rights, the munitions makers are starting to stand with the gays. I understand that being able to defend yourself or shoot up in the air for no reason at 3:00 in the morning is important, but I hope you get enough time to learn how to defend yourself using more traditional methods, such as with an axe, hatchet, or children.
So in summary: No transportation, no bank accounts, no insurance, no food, no water, no phone, no electricity, and no guns. Got it?
After typing all of this, I could go for some Oreo's.
Couldn't agree more.
ReplyDelete